Let’s talk about boundaries, because therapists love to talk about boundaries.
A boundary is a stopping point or a limit. That’s it, that’s all a boundary really is. But here’s the thing… when you put up a fence between you and your neighbor, that’s it. That’s the limit, it’s tangible and you both see it every day.
Emotional and mental boundaries are much more challenging to hold compared to your neighbor’s fence. What makes boundaries so hard?
Because we are trying to enact behavioral change. Each time we set a boundary, we are 1) changing how we react to the situation, and 2) trying to encourage the other party to change how they act. This is why emotional and mental boundaries are not one and done. They need to be set over and over again, because behaviors do not change overnight.
But how can I survive with setting a boundary with my mom 20,000 times over the 7 days between Christmas and New Years? The answer, while cheeky, has been proven to help people through all sorts of chronic or lasting personal problems.
Self-care.
Go set that boundary, then take a breath. Tell yourself you did a good job, even if it didn’t go exactly as you had planned. You’re still learning, you know. Take a walk, play some Nintendo, read your favorite novel, have a gossip session with your friend or sister. Then go back to setting the boundary as needed, and then swing back to self-care. Think of it as a see-saw. Each end is attached the other… you can’t have boundary setting without also having self-care.
Purple Finch Counseling PLLC 